Summer of 2008

Summer of 2008 is over in less than a week. I started it with a die hard spirit that I was going to enjoy life through a different set of eyes and I did. All the graduations and family reunions in May were a real breath of fresh air. In the midst of that, DH and I agreed that our next IV cycle will be strictly between the two of us and God; just because..... and yes, that exclusion included this blog, so confession time - I have had an IVF cycle. My best stim cycle ever.

1. Stimmed for 21 days
2. Egg retrieval was aparently quite eventful. I started snoring midway through and had to be "knocked out" a little more. Ended spending an additional hour in recovery.
3. 18 eggs retrieved, 14 fertilized. 9 available for day 3 transfer with questionable quality. Transferred 6 and the 4 leftover didn't make to to freezer quality on day five
4. I'm giving myself PIO injections, how gangsta is that
5. Work colleague using same clinic informs me they have a BFP with twins... I'm dreaming of playdates. (one twin didn't make it)
6. 20th of August: 2ww is over. POAS. I see one pretty pink and one "is that pink?" line. Go in for Beta. 36 is the number. Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. This is the best anniversary present anyone could wish for
7. 22nd of August: Beta number 2 = 45 Not good
8. 25th of August: Beta number 3 = 25 Really not good. Praying for an outright miracle
9. 27th of August: Beta number 4 = 10. That sucks

I was a pregnant woman for a couple of days and oh the castles I had built in those beautiful days. I feel awful. Even before my beta news, I've been reevaluating blogging because its been therapeutic but I also find that it's also made me lose my innocence and naivete. I wish I didn't know about all the things that can go wrong in the process of babymaking but now I do. TMI. I'll miss the company but at this stage I'm not sure if I will continue updating this blog or reading others. I'm praying for you guys & really looking forward to hearing the stories, sharing the joys & comforting in the pain but I'm not sure if that is a path to continue on. I've already become so jaded about the process, I don't want to become even more so. It's hard to exercise the innocent faith of a child and believe the possibilities when your natural mind is so full of scientific facts that all point to the road "Impossible". I need to revaluate the higher purpose of this blog & if it doesn't have one, it's got to go.

So that's summer of 2008 gone. At least now I know exactly what being pg feels like. (I think). In all my prayers, I always felt in my heart that the breakthrough that I need from God was getting pregnant. Didn't think that staying pregnant was on the list as well. Have a good night & God bless