Wednesday update

I woke up this morning and my first thought was "I'm not pregnant". There was so much clarity in the thought. It wasn't a slowly drift awake realisation. One minute I was asleep, the next I was awake, flat on my back and that was the first thought that came into my head. Not sad but factual. And for the first time in almost 3 years, I did crunches. I've used the whole IF thing as my excuse for letting my body go under the guise of relaxing but honestly a woman my size should not be sporting a waist like mine without a baby being in there; so if I can't be a hot momma yet, I'll just have to be a hot chick while waiting because this lack of hotness is just not it.

As usual, with the phone calls of yesterday, I got the good, the bad and the ugly
THE GOOD: My older sister (Dr.B) and childhood best friend have been my really great supporters especially through the last cycle. I sent them a text with the results and told them I couldn't talk & they understood. When I was eventually composed enough to call them, they listened and comforted and talked. Then my younger sister called. She's a "zen" type person that thinks just let nature take it course but we had a really good conversation and she said some really nice things. The one thing my two sisters said which I am taking with me is not to get so uptight about this one thing that I don't have and fail to enjoy the many blessings that I do have.
THE BAD: For DH, his go-to supporters/spiritual mentors are 2 of his younger sisters. The youngest of the two; 25 years old and fresh out of college called me. She read me psalm 2 and quoted some bible verses and made declarations about how I would be pregnant by December. She made me start crying uncontrollably in the office. I'm just glad I could close my door. She meant no harm but her call left me in a really bad state.
THE UGLY: I was very furious after SIL's call. How dare the little girl who knows nothing about life, call me and give me a sanctimonious speech. Those were my thoughts. But on the other hand, I knew it was not done with malicious intent. Was I just being proud or indignant because she's a SIL and not my sister. I called my best friend and repeated the conversation (severly interrupted by gasps, hiccups, nose blowing and other ugly sounds from my end) to get her opinion. She used to pastor our college fellowship so she should know right?! She's told me before and told me again, issues to do with my fertility are like an open sore for me. I am hyper-sensitive and I (sometimes) have a right to be; and on a day like yesterday, when my sore had just been twisted open by a jagged edged knife, I didn't need anyone using me as a sounding board to fulfill their own religious/spiritual smugness. We both talked about times we may have made the same mistakes in the past - unknowingly offering religious platitudes to someone who just needed to feel human comfort. That's just plain wrong and in my opinion shows a lack of wisdom

To everyone on whose blog I have ever made a comment that was more platitude than comfort, please forgive me.

I promise my next post will be of good cheer and will not have "update" in the subject line